Funny Security Guard on a Bike Meme
what do you call a security guard at a Samsung store
"A guardian of the galaxys"
my 11yo told me this one yesterday, and i thought it needed to be shared with the world 🤣
I went on a job interview for a security guard. After spending 12 hours in the waiting room...
...they hired me.
At my job, I have 500 people under me.
I'm a security guard at a cemetery.
Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.
Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(
My next job, I want to be the security guard at the philosophy building of a university...
I will spend my days asking philosophy students Who are you, and why are you here?
Security Guard : "I'm sorry ma'am.But due to covid regulations, swimming in the hotel pool is prohibited"
Woman : " You could have warned me before I removed the clothes"
Security guard :" Well, there is no prohibition about that".
What's the difference between a security guard and a butcher?
One stays awake, the other weighs a steak
Why was the gay security guard fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.
As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.
A poor farmer came to the Parliament house
A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.
The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.
This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here
The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it
A janitor, a security guard, and a CEO are sitting at table with a dozen Twinkies.
The CEO grabs 11 Twinkies for himself, turns to the security guard and says: "Watch out for the janitor, he wants part of your Twinkie."
You can explore security guard checkpoint reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean security guard alerted dad jokes. There are also security guard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a security guard working outside of a Samsung shop?
A guardian of the galaxy
I was once in an art gallery once looking at a painting of Margaret Thatcher in a bikini ...
a security guard wandered over to me and said sir you can't wear that in here
A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,
so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled "bomb", but it was just panned ammonium
After I stole the priceless statue and turned the corner, I collided into the female security guard's chest...
...It was a huge bust.
Why are Australian security guards so good at playing chess?
They always check, mate
A man breaks into a wealthy persons house
He hears a sobbing noise coming from around the corner so he goes to check what it is. He peeks around the corner to see a body guard sobbing saying "I C c can't believe boss forgot my birthday, I thought he was m my f f friend uhoo hoo" so he turns around and goes the opposite direction desperate to escape with something. He spots a door at the end of the hallway that appears to have been left unlocked he opens to find the houses owner. He says "YOU!! How did you get past my security" the robber says "you let your guard down"
A German gets to border security...
Border guard: "Occupation?"
The German: "No, just visiting"
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.
The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.
An angry robber at a Russian bank threatens to kill everyone. Goes up to a teller "I'm gonna kill you! I'm so angry. What's your name?"
"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"
A security guard came up to me yesterday...
and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten."
You can tell a lot about the different branches of the armed services by their use of the word "secure":
Order Marines to secure a building and they'll attack it.
Order soldiers to secure a building and they'll post guards around it.
Order airmen to secure a building and they'll buy it.
Order sailors to secure a building and they'll turn off the lights, lock the doors, and go out drinking.
Just got 15 Valentines cards! It's left me completely breathless...
The security guard in Clintons Cards gave me quite a chase
The amount of Valentine's day cards I got this year has left me breathless.
Turns out the card shop has a security guard and he gives a good chase.
My son just told me the school security guard got fired and the new one has only one arm. He asked, "How will he be able to break up fights with only one arm?"
I replied, "Single-handedly."
My boss said I'm a worker worth paying attention to.
Unfortunately, he said it to the security guard.
The difference between the services
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
So three women escape from a prison, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.
They hide under a tarp on a work truck. The security guard is checking the tarp at the gate. He pokes his rifle at the brunette and she goes "meow, meow". He pokes his rifle at the red head and she goes "woof, woof". He pokes his rifle at the blonde and she goes "potato, potato".
An Irishman is at JFK airport in New York
He is standing over a broken whiskey bottle and crying. A security guard approaches him and asks what's wrong. The Irishman wipes away his tears and says, "I LOST ALL ME LUGGAGE!"
What do you call soft-spoken security guards at the Samsung store?
Gaurdians of the Galaxy: Volume 2
Security Guard : "I'm sorry ma'am but skinny dipping is prohibited in this beach "
Woman : " You could have warned me before I removed the clothes"
Security guard :" Well, there is no law about that".
'Self help' and 'help yourself' surely mean the same thing right??
The security guard didn't think so and made me put the books back.
You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.
He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.
You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.
He pulls out his taser.
What happens next may shock you...
A limo driver is driving Gorbachev to a very important building
The limo driver suddenly passes out, Gorbachev decides to put the unconscious man in the back seats and drive instead
Once he reaches the gate, two security guards start whispering to each other
Guard 1: "Uh, who is the person in the back?"
Guard 2: "I don't know, but he must be very important, since Gorbachev is his driver"
Source: https://jokojokes.com/security-guard-jokes.html
0 Response to "Funny Security Guard on a Bike Meme"
Post a Comment